True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
