she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
