i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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