I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
