jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize