the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry about my life...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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