you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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