If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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