We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
