i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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