Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
