Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
