Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
