no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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