I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
