im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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