I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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