so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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