His hands were made for my vagina.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
this is an emotional support booty call
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