last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
