doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
