there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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