wanna go halves on a baby?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Rumble strips road head = magical
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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