You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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