Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
