I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize