So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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