Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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