You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
