I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
