You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize