It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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