I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
