I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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