Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
