Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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