You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
