got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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