it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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