He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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