just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
