The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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