sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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