we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
