I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
