Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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