so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize