I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
