So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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