I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Shame - the story of my life.
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