I'm going to rape someone's good day.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
