did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
