Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
