I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
