just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
