We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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