Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
how does that bad decision feel?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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