no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
