It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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