Capitaan dildo arrescate!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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