Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
