my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
