She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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