its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
