he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize