The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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