textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
