I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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