Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
vagina is talking i cant
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
