Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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