nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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