I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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