Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You made out with two different species that night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
