my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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