u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
