I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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