So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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