So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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