where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
