i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize