I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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