You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
