Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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