Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
