so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
