I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
