So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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