I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize