I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
