I'm gonna have a badass scar
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
