If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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