Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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