He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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