hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
