So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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