I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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