my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
