Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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