I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
