she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
