so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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