I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
