Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
