JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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