don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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