It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
