____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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