i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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