I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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