My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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