so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
