hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
