I'm going to jail i love you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
