Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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