If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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