Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the day after is always just damage control
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
