Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
