At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
