Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it's like heaven, but drunker
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize