I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
