i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
