i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
