This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
